Use our monthly social-emotional check-in themes, questions, and activities to reinforce connection with your student and creatE a trusting and safe relationship.

Students who feel a connection with their tutor are more likely to engage in learning, ask questions, build motivation, and achieve better academic outcomes.

 

April’s Theme: Perseverance

“It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.” Confucius

“It is so important for children to understand that life isn’t always easy. They will face challenges, things will be difficult, some subjects or skills may take time to grasp, and even relationships with friends will take work. When kids are taught how to persevere, they receive preparation for life as an adult. They learn how to set goals and put in the effort and work to accomplish them. They also learn that in order to reach a goal, they may have to experience failure before success.

Learning all of these things at a young age will frontload them with the fortitude they will need as they move from elementary school to middle and high school. Before long, making several attempts to achieve a goal will just be a natural process and not defeat.”

Here are some prompts and exercises you can do to learn more about perseverance.

Read a book about perseverance: Links here and here.

Perseverance exercise: Materials: 2 people, 1 plastic cup, 10 mini items of varying sizes (i.e. mini marshmallows, mini eraser). Directions: Have 2 people stand across from one another. One person will hold the plastic cup and one will hold the 10 mini items. The person with the mini item will underhand toss the items one at a time to the partner with the cup. The goal is to catch all 10 of the items in the cup without dropping any. If you have a larger space and want more of a challenge, take one step backwards after catching an item, spin around before you throw, etc.
Debrief: What challenges did you face during the game? What strategies did you use to overcome the challenges? Link here.

Have a conversation. Use the following to kick start a conversation about perseverance:
Scenarios: What would you do?
1. You really want to learn to speak another language and are taking a class in school.
However, you have difficulty understanding the teacher when she speaks it and your
grades in the class are not good. What would you do?
2. You would like to improve your athletic ability. Your favorite sport is basketball
but you don’t have any confidence in your skills. What would you do?
3. You are the new kid in school. Having just moved to the area, you don’t know
anyone. It seems like everyone has friends except for you. What would you do?
4. You would like to own a construction business some day. In order to learn about
construction, you get a summer job as an assistant to a contractor who is building a
home. In 98 degree weather, your assignments included lifting heavy items and
cleaning up. It is hard work not at all what you expected. What would you do? Link here.

Read Wilma Rudolph short story here and discuss how Wilma showed perseverance.

March’s Theme: Coping Skills

“You have within you, right now, everything you need to deal with whatever the world can throw at you.” — Brian Tracy

Here are some prompts for exercises you can do together to work on building coping skills.

Build Emotional Awareness: For students to develop coping skills, they need to have a solid emotional vocabulary and be able to name how they are feeling. Students should understand how the intensity of feelings can change. Lastly, you want them to make it personal and talk about how they feel most of the time. Are there certain extreme emotions they feel often? Ones they feel rarely? How do they feel when they wake up most mornings?Annoyed is different than furious, but they are both forms of anger. Concerned is different than terrified, but they are both forms of worry. Activity: Self check in Use a feelings chart or a feelings thermometer to identify the emotions you feel today and/or most days. You can use this check-in every time you meet your student to see how they are doing that day and/or how they feel generally. 

Emotional Feelings Chart

Identify Personal Triggers: The events that affect how we feel are different for everyone. Of course, there are some situations where everyone feels very similar, but something that excites me might not even make another person smile. Help students understand in what situations they tend to feel certain emotions. Do they get angry when they don’t get called on? Are they super excited when they get five more minutes of recess? What are their challenging situations? Where do their emotions grow and feel unmanageable? Possible Activities: 1- Using the feelings thermometers, add situations where the student feels different intensities of emotions. 2- Review and reflect on previous challenging situations. 3- Normalize challenging situations by discussing tough situations for others, not the student, and vice versa.

Feelings Thermometer Chart

Coping Strategies: There are different types of coping strategies. They can be divided into 4 categories: moving, calming, thinking, and distracting strategies. Moving strategies to calm the mind include physical activities like walking, running, yoga, biking, or even just stretching, while calming strategies focus on relaxation techniques like deep breathing exercises, progressive muscle relaxation, guided imagery, and meditation; thinking strategies involve cognitive approaches like journaling, positive self-talk, and challenging negative thoughts, and distracting strategies involve engaging in activities that divert attention away from stressful thoughts, such as listening to music, reading, watching a funny video, or doing a hobby. (* not to confuse distraction with avoidance. Avoidance means you never return to the situation while distraction is giving your mind a break until you are ready to return to the situation to problem solve.) What strategies work best for your student?

Activity: 1- Have the student sort coping strategies based on preference (Yes, No, Maybe) or effectiveness.

Activity 2- Create a personal deck of coping strategies the student can keep on a keyring.

February’s Theme: Friendship

“The only way to have a friend is to be one.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

Here are some prompts for exercises you can do together to reflect on the theme of friendship.

Reflection: What makes a good friend? Discuss the qualities of a good friend. Here are a few different elements of friendship to talk about:

• Support
• Encouragement
• Respect
• Trustworthiness
• Loyalty
• Fun/Happiness/Togetherness
• Being Yourself
• Be a Good Sport

Provide your student with definitions and examples of these ideas. Some, like “support” might not be super obvious to kiddos. Then, give your student lots of opportunities to practice figuring out what these ideas look like in specific situations.

Activity: Friendship word search puzzle

Reflection on Healthy Friendships: While all elements of healthy friendships are important, one way to process the qualities above with children is to ask them to identify which of these is most important to them or to rank them by importance. You might also have them reflect on ways in which they show these things in a friendship as well as ways their friends demonstrate these elements.

Questions for discussion:

• 1. Tell about a time a friend encouraged you or supported you.
• 2. What is your favorite thing to do to try and cheer a friend up when they’re sad?
• 3. Some people think you have to be a good friend to yourself to be a good friend to others. What does it mean to be a good friend to yourself?
• 4. What is a friendship pair or group from a TV show or movie that looks like they have a happy, healthy friendship?

Writing Prompt: Gratitude for the friends you have

• 1. What is one positive quality you admire in a friend?
• 2. Write a thank you note to a friend, and tell them why you care about them. Give an example, something they have done or said that you want to remind them of.

Reflection: Boundaries & Forgiveness

Boundaries: Talk to the student about boundaries within friendships and how some behaviors can easily cross over from fun to hurtful. Sometimes in friendships, people make mistakes and they cross the line with a behavior that makes others feel disrespected. We can call these lines “friendship boundaries.” The friendship boundaries divide disrespectful or annoying behavior from respectful and fun behavior.

Can you think of some examples of friendship boundaries? Here are some reinforcing questions you can talk about with your student about friendship boundaries:

• What is one thing you do that might bother your friends?
• What can you say to a friend that is pressuring you to do something you’re not comfortable with?
• Why is it better to talk it out with a friend you have a problem with than complain about them to another friend?
• How do you know if it’s time to end a friendship?
• What if YOU have crossed a friendship boundary? What can you do?
• What if you notice your friend being disrespectful to or making fun of someone else?

Forgiveness: Talk about the place of forgiveness in friendships. Think about a friend who has recently disappointed you. Give them grace. Sometimes we jump to conclusions and go to feeling disappointed right away about others, even our friends. Think about Being Curious…Not Furious. Be less judging and more forgiving.

Additional resources: https://theresponsivecounselor.com/2021/03/teaching-kids-about-healthy-friendships-and-friendship-boundaries.html

January’s Theme: A Fresh Start

Link to ideas for this topic.

Goal setting: Use this free SMART Goals lesson and booklet to help kids learn about what a SMART goal is and to create their own. The lesson is no-prep, and includes a 6-page booklet where students can identify their own goal and think about how each letter of the SMART acronym applies to it.

Try This: When talking about goals with students, try asking them about who they’d like to be, not just what they’d like to do. Ask them what positive characteristics they’d like to further develop, and then work together to come up with a plan.

Growth mindset: Having goals is great, but meeting them can be challenging sometimes. Of course, reaching our goals doesn’t always go smoothly. We experience challenges, road blocks, and even lack of motivation. Teach your students to persevere and understand that these challenges, mistakes, and setbacks will help them grow! Growth Mindset books can be found here.

Activity Idea: Mistakes, failures, and challenges can make it easy to give up. Inspire your students to keep going by talking about the way that many famous people have pushed through tough and discouraging situations. This is a great chance to show kids that even the most successful people struggle. It also encourages them to think about all that they can accomplish if they don’t stop chasing their goals!

One way to talk about this is to make it a guessing game. Describe the challenges someone famous the student would know has gone through, and they try to guess who you’re talking about. Here are some examples: Who had two unsuccessful art businesses before establishing the company that would become one of the biggest entertainment businesses in the world? (Walt Disney); Who was a poor, single parent with clinical depression who had his or her book rejected 12 times by publishers? (JK Rowling – Author of the Harry Potter series)

January is perfect for reviewing behavior expectations and systems. One of my all-time favorite ways to talk about this is by using the concept of expected and unexpected behavior. Expected behavior is simply behavior that is normal, reasonable and anticipated. Unexpected behavior is behavior that is out of the norm, and is unusual. In these lessons and conversations, I help students identify the difference between expected/unexpected behaviors, and we talk about how those can change depending on the situation. We also talk a lot about how these types of behaviors make others feel.

Activity Idea: To introduce the concept, have a student choose one of their favorite restaurants. Talk about what they expect when they go there, and then talk about how they would feel if things weren’t as they expected. For example, how would they feel if they went to their favorite pizza restaurant and all of the lights were off and they were serving pancakes. Chances are, that situation would leave them feeling confused, uncomfortable, and maybe even frustrated. Then, talk about how our behavior is similar. In certain situations, there are different behaviors that are expected of us, and when we do something unexpected, it causes the people around us to feel confused or upset. Work together to think about different situations the student(s) may encounter, as well as behaviors that are expected and unexpected in each setting. Click here for worksheets on this theme.

December’s Theme: Stress Management

“I can take it one step at a time.”

Strategies to handle stress:

1.  change a feeling, thought, or behavior (talk through what is stressful and identify what you can change to ease the feeling of stress)
2. stop stinking thinking (stinking thinking includes: worst possible outcome, mind reading, all or nothing) and find a positive thought to counteract the stinking thinking.
3. take a breath (a deep breath or a specific breathing exercise can do wonders to break the hold stress has on the body and the mind)
4. tense and relax exercise: take a moment to tighten all the muscles in your body, hold it for a few seconds then release the tension. Do this 3 times. OR This can also be done by isolating different muscles and tense and relax each muscle one at a time (ex. hands, belly, face, back).

Additional guidance here.

Dealing with stress in your life: Use these discussion questions to encourage your learner to share situations in their lives that cause stress and talk about strategies that could be used to manage stressful situations.

Take a stretching break! Take a stretching break halfway through your session – stress can make you feel very tense, but by taking a stretch break you help release some of that tension and reset the body.

November’s Theme: Practicing Gratitude

“Gratitude and attitude are not challenges, they are choices.” — Robert Braathe

Thanksgiving looms on the horizon along with other celebratory holidays focused on family, friends, and togetherness. Many conversations in the classroom and around the kitchen table are about the positive things in our lives that we can be grateful for and different ways to express our gratitude.

Here are some exercises and activities you can do with your student to reflex on this month’s theme. Choose one to do each week during the month.

Let’s talk about what we are grateful for. What are you grateful for today? Activity: Make a list of things you are grateful for, big or small.

Reflection Time: How do you feel when you’re grateful? Give your student an opportunity to appreciate the positive feeling that comes with being grateful. How do they feel when someone says thanks to them? How does it feel to say thank you to someone else?

Make a gratitude tree: The trees start barren, and then you fill in leaves with expressions of gratitude over a period of time. You could add a few leaves during each tutoring session throughout November. https://www.mamasmiles.com/wp-content/uploads/spring-tree-pi-art.pdf?x70198

For K-5, use a few minutes each session this month for student to add words of gratitude to their gratitude tree. This provides a hands on, tactile gratitude exercise, helping students to reflect on what they are grateful for in their lives.

Challenge students: Ask your student if he/she can find ways to be grateful for things he/she may find unpleasant, such as homework.

Food gratitude exercise: Bring awareness that behind tangible things that they may feel grateful for, there are many people whose efforts have created those things. Gratitude concept: Our lives are interconnected with those of many people we have never met, who provide us with the goods and services we rely on daily. Our gratitude can extend to these people, as well as those we know. Let your student pick a fruit they like and together think of where it comes from and who grew it, picked it, packed it, transported it, put it on the store shelf, etc.

Use the sample script below, which uses the example of strawberries, and adapt it as needed (for example, some fruit, like bananas, may have traveled on a boat and a truck): Let’s imagine fresh strawberries. Think about what they look like, how they smell, and how they taste. Where do they grow? Imagine someone planting strawberry seeds in the soil on a farm…Imagine the sun shining on the small plants as they grow…Imagine the rain that falls on them, or maybe a person who waters them…maybe there is someone who pulls out the weeds so the strawberries can grow… Now imagine the strawberries are ripe…Who comes to pick them?…Think about how hard that person works, bending over to pick lots of strawberries…Now imagine someone putting those strawberries into containers… How do the strawberries get to a store near you?…Imagine the person who put the strawberry containers onto a truck…the person who drove the truck to your store…the person who brought the strawberries from the truck into the store…the person who put the strawberries on the shelf at the store… Who sells you the strawberries?…See if you can imagine yourself paying that person…thanking them…and then bringing home the delicious strawberries to eat…

October’s Theme: Scary feelings (don’t let anxiety and fear get in your way).

“You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” – A.A. Milne, the author of Winnie the Pooh

It’s spooky season! While that usually means watching out for ghosts and goblins when trick or treating, it can also be a good time to check in with students about how things are going now that the school year is underway.

Here are some exercises/activities you can do with your student to reflect on this month’s theme.  Choose one to do each week during the month.

Let’s talk about what scares us. Can you describe a time when you felt really scared about something?” “What are some situations that tend to make you feel anxious?” “How does your body feel when you’re worried?” “What are some things you do to calm yourself down when you’re feeling anxious?” “Do you ever worry about things that might not happen?” “Have you ever felt afraid to speak up in class?” “What are some common fears you hear other people talk about?” “What are some positive ways to manage your fears?” and “Can you share a time when you overcame a fear?”. For younger students: “What is a scary movie monster you’ve seen?”, “What is something you worry about before bedtime?”, “How do you feel when you have to meet new people?” For older students: “What are some pressures you feel at school that might make you anxious?”, “How do you handle test anxiety?”, “What are some social situations that can make you feel nervous?”

• • • • Choose one or two questions to talk about. Key points to consider when using these prompts: Normalize the experience: Emphasize that feeling scared or anxious is a normal human emotion. Create a safe space: Let students know that their responses will be respected and kept confidential. Use open-ended questions: Encourage students to elaborate on their thoughts and feelings. Validate their emotions: Acknowledge their experiences and show empathy. Offer coping strategies: Discuss healthy ways to manage anxiety, like deep breathing or relaxation techniques.

Deep breathing exercise. Lion’s Breath, also called simhasana, is a breathwork exercise that is great for improving breathing, as well as relieving stress and anxiety. How to do it: Sit down in a comfortable position. Lean forward slightly, and place your hands on your knees or the floor. Spread your fingers as wide as possible. Breathe in through your nose. Open your mouth as wide as possible, sticking out your tongue down towards your chin. Breathe out forcefully through your mouth, making a “ha” sound as you do so. Repeat these steps up to 7 times.

• • • Use this exercise at any time during your session to easy anxiety/stress. You can make a game of it with younger students to scare away the fear/anxiety/stress.

Mindfulness exercise. The 333 anxiety rule involves observing three things you can see, three things you can hear, and three things you can move or touch. It is a grounding technique — a coping skill to manage intense emotions by steering the mind away from anxiety and toward the present moment.

• • • Start your session using this exercise to help your student get grounded and put aside anything that happened prior to walking into their tutoring session.